I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
