Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
