Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
