Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
