Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
