you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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