I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
