I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
