My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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