well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can text with my tongue
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
