What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
