In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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