you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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