I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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