he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have started to decorate penises.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
