Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
