I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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