don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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