I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
