New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
