Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
