it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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