cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
