Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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