Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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