just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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