If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize