We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
