Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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