I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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