perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
