It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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