sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
