I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
