Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
