the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
