I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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