look no pants
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
