Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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