you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is Oprah even human
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
