Screwed.edu
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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