its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
