i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
