It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
