I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
