I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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