i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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