You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
