I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
