it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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