I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
