I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
