three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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