oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
