i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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