Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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