im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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