i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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