I am full of burrito and curiosity
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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