I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
