I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just shotgunned beers for America
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
