If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
