whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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