I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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