Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are the jesus of drinking
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
