i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
