Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to make out with him forever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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