arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
