my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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