Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
