Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize