I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
