haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
