porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we're so committed to being not committed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
