I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
