So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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