Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a search helicopter?!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
