I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
