Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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