Umm I'm too high to move.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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