He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
