Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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