just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
