Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize