Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
