I wish my penis had an off switch
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
