It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
