I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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