I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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