Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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