Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
