If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
