We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
