I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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