You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
