Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
