Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
