So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
