There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
