theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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