She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
