Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He did a backflip because drugs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
